After shock of getting a football into your meat&two veg region.

[not on facebook]

Lady footballers sit back and take a box of pop corn  as you just don't have the baggage to worry about.

Getting a football at full or even pace straight into your private parts region .

What a terrible experience this is and only been caught out twice with it ,and that was two times too many.

When I think of how many times I have played togger is this high or a low average ?

Can some explain why it feals like me knackers have shot up into my stomach and trying their upmost to exit via above my lungs .

The pain is short but not sweet as you are gasping for air.

Then you are walking about like a 256 year old man trying to fully recover while rest of the field are pissing them sens as the game passes you by.

[Donnywolf]

Lady footballers sit back and take a box of pop corn  as you just don't have the baggage to worry about.

Getting a football at full or even pace straight into your private parts region .

What a terrible experience this is and only been caught out twice with it ,and that was two times too many.

When I think of how many times I have played togger is this high or a low average ?

Can some explain why it feals like me knackers have shot up into my stomach and trying their upmost to exit via above my lungs .

The pain is short but not sweet as you are gasping for air.

Then you are walking about like a 256 year old man trying to fully recover while rest of the field are pissing them sens as the game passes you by.

I did get clobbered once at Bradford City - maybe Copps first away game

The Players were shooting in at the away end and I had decided to go for a Coffee. I was watching something or talking to somebody and every so often a ball came whistling into the crowd. I made a judgement each time - missing by a mile - better move right or left etc.

The last one (as in all jokes) was close but not THAT close and I thought "safe" but then a young kid put his hand out to catch it and only succeeded in diverting it onto a post and yes - that rebound hit me right in the right nut. Its was so bizarre that it hit one and not the other but given the pain (and instant sick feeling) I am glad it only got the one !

There were 2 Bobbies a couple of yards away and they were smirking like hell - well you would wouldnt you - and I made my way past them, just walking to take my mind off it and as I passed I said to them - "well I was going for a Coffee but I have just changed my mind"

Hell that hurt !

[not on facebook]

It would not put it past some players to actually have targets in the crowd during pre match warm ups .

[Herbert Anchovy]

You'd think that getting hit in your town halls would be one of the few things that bonds all men, after all we all know how mind-blowingly painful it is. But there is nothing more likely to get a group of geezers crying with laughter than seeing a bloke double over in agony after taking one in the knackers.

Got hit once playing on Cantley Park during a Sunday morning match. I was trying to block a shot at goal and it hit me full on. Pure agony for me and hysterics for everyone watching.

[not on facebook]

I don't understand why today's footballers wear mittens because their hands are cold the set of ' men that like men ' .

There is only one warm place on a football field during the winter months that will keep yer hands warm and that's down yer nads .

[Bentley Bullet]

I once trapped my orchestra stalls taking a corner playing for the school football team.

Dead vivid it still is. I swung my leg back to cross the ball in but then saw the full back running towards me so I passed it short to him with the inside of my foot, trapping both cream crackers together in the process.

I don't know what was worst, my aching Jackson Pollocks or the fact that the game continued regardless while I rolled about in agony.

[not on facebook]

Once swollowed my tounge while just having a kick about on back of St. Peter's high school field with a couple of mates .

Think was was playing 3 and in.

Got knocked down to the floor and fcuk me was I struggling .

I was fighting like f**k to breath as rest of me mates carried on playing.

My right  elbow was pinned into the ground like as  I was doing complete circles via my legs kicking out.

God knows how I fought to get breathing again but it seemed a age at the time.mates just looked and said ' what's up with you '

[turnbull for england]

Winds you but not as bad as riding bike into a wall and going straight into the crossbar. Stick your childbirth thats real pain and your not supposed to just pedal it off after!

[Bentley Bullet]

It's obviously far more painful than childbirth. The facts speak for themselves when you consider all the women who want another baby. I've never met a bloke who wants another kick in the b0llocks.

[BobG]

It's worse when it's a cricket ball that smashes you in the target area. I know. I once had to rush a guy to hospital with that very complaint. He almost stopped breathing. I've never seen anybody, ever, look so poorly.

BobG

[not on facebook]

Fcuk never thought about a cricket ball to the nads .

So can anyone explain what is actually going on when it feals like your b*llocks have   shot up into your stomach,when infact they are still hanging about in their normall position.

[BobG]

I was umpiring that match I saw it happen. The guy was a fast bowler. Pretty quick too. Our one decent batsman was facing. He proper creamed a straight drive back down the wicket horizontal about 3 feet above the ground. The bowler was still in his follow through. He hadn't got a cat in hels chance. Right, smack in the plums. Ive never seen anyone collapse like he did. Inside 2 seconds he was whiter than the cleanest snow you ever seen. He could not move. He could not speak. He could not breathe. Every bugger on the field legged it towards him.  We carried him to the wooden hut but it didn't fix him. In fact he looked like he was dying so we bundled him in my car and I drove like the bloody clappers. I bet if he ever got married his wedding night wasn't what he'd been expecting. Even thinking about it now, years and years later, it's bringing tears to my eyes. Honest. It was just awful.

Bob

[German Rover]

I've had it done playing rugby for Salisbury. Went to make a tackle my opposite from poole went low and because the pitch was a quagmire, it turned his head into a testicle seeking missile. I was sick with the pain but made it out for the second half where I then got knocked out for my troubles.  It was about that time I started to think about retiring!

[Bentley Bullet]

One to rival a Cricket ball on the pain-o-meter is surely a golf ball in Mitchell Brothers?

[not on facebook]

Is their  not a doctor in the house that can explain why it feals like your balls have shot up into your mid rifts.

Mr syme ,Glynn ,bob g ,etc etc put your talents to a needy cause ,please

[Mike_F]

My guess is that it'll be where the nerves converge, Oslo. All those little nerve endings at the outer edges of your Niagras like the frayed end of a cable converging into a more concentrated pain signal as they all join up in the middle.

Just a guess, like. I'm no doctor.

[Bentley Bullet]

I'm trying to find the answer to your question on the internet but so far it's been a bit of a ball ache.

[Bentley Bullet]

http://www.menshealth.com/health/stomach-pain-hit-in-balls

[Mike_F]

Looks like I wasn't far wrong then!

[not on facebook]

Thanks for that chaps  rest assured I will sleep a lot more easy now tonight.

[Mike_F]

Dunno about that, Oslo. On eof my neighbours works in the oil industry and he's over in Norway at the moment. I've asked him to track you down and give you a whack in the b*llocks with a wrench.

[not on facebook]

If that is true mike f that means it's a good chance he is in stavanger ,and one of the VIF lads is very very high up in the oil industry out here ,so I bet you price of a Norwegian pils in stanvager that I could have a wellcome party before yer wrench British oil worker from donny? Just turned up? Yorkshire accent? Ends his next shift.

[Mike_F]

f**k that, I'd need to take out a second mortgage to cover a pint of pils at Noggy prices!

I think he is in Stavanger, he's been over a few times. Top lad, ex RAF & travels all over the world wherever his specialist team is needed on a rig. He goes on about the Noggies having something called Snous which is a tobacco wad that they put between their lip & gum than stains all their teeth. You come across that?

[not on facebook]

That stuff is terrible mate  a lot worse than the ale prices if you ask me.

You even get birds using it ,and now there is now ashtrays in pubs it's left all over the place .behind seats on floor in beer glasses.

Just get me head necking a bird and swapping spit when she has a lump of this stuff in her gob > you have to be pissed as not to notice the lump of resting under top lip but it happens.

As for stavanger rule of thumb mate their bar prices are a tad higher than olso .i like bottles of pear bulmers at the moment had some other day at £12.80 per bottle in oslo.

[Donnywolf]

I had a really cheap pint when I last visited Stavanger in this ere Pub ...

[not on facebook]

You was on a fjord cruise I take it?

If so worth every dam penny or Norwegian Kr just for the views inside the fjords.

[bahrain rover]

You was on a fjord cruise I take it?

If so worth every dam penny or Norwegian Kr just for the views inside the fjords.

I agree the views are stunning. about 15 years ago i was working on the oil expo in Stavanger, and we got there on the ferry from Newcastle. That went 1st to Bergen then Haugsonland (sic) and then Stavanger, via the fjords We spent all that day on the deck just admiring the beauty.

[The Red Baron]

I was umpiring that match I saw it happen. The guy was a fast bowler. Pretty quick too. Our one decent batsman was facing. He proper creamed a straight drive back down the wicket horizontal about 3 feet above the ground. The bowler was still in his follow through. He hadn't got a cat in hels chance. Right, smack in the plums. Ive never seen anyone collapse like he did. Inside 2 seconds he was whiter than the cleanests now you ever seen. He could not move. He could not speak. He could not breathe. Every bugger on the field legged it towards him.  We carried him to the wooden hut but it didn't fix him. In fact he looked like he was dying so we bundled him in my car and I drove like the bloody clappers. I bet if he ever got married his wedding night wasn't what he'd been expecting. Even thinking about it now, years and years later, it's bringing tears to my eyes. Honest. It was just awful.

Bob

I had a similar experience when umpiring about 30 years ago. Batsman drilled one back and although fortunately it missed my Crown Jewels it hit me square on the thigh bone. I've had nothing but trouble from that leg ever since.

[Donnywolf]

You was on a fjord cruise I take it?

If so worth every dam penny or Norwegian Kr just for the views inside the fjords.

Yes first ever Cruise and went to Gerainger Flam Bergen and Stavanger. The runs into and out of the first 2 were great.

Bergen Market £16 for a King Crab Curry not such a draw for a Yorkshireman with Ship not 600 yards away !

[BobG]

I've always wondered about that bowler since it happened John. If you've had trouble ever since being smacked on the bone I dread to think what life has been like for that guy. Poleaxed is about the only word that springs to mind to describe what happened to him.

Actually, now I've stopped to think about it, wasn't an umpire killed not too long ago?

I've just checked: it's happened to a Pakistani, an Indian and an Israeli umpire. And Paul Reiffel got hit on the head just last year if you remember. He had to sit out 2 or 3 tests as a result.

BobG